A year of being a creative writing student

 As I hit submit on my final Assignment of the module, it's hard to comprehend the idea that I have just reached the end of my very first year of university. 

When I chose to study Creative writing at Falmouth university, I was driven by a strong desire to final study something i enjoy rather than focussing on finding something that would 'give me a job' Fresh out of separation I was budding with enthusiasm and empowerment and it was a huge leap to do this thing that was entirely for myself. I began the course with no real expectations, I hadn't considered what life would be like as a single working mum, studying part-time time so it was a learning curve,  

Whilst at first glance it seems as though the year has flown by, labelling it thus such suggests that it was a breeze. A task easily completed without bumps so I will not focus on the fact that the year has indeed whizzed by. Instead, I will summarise the experience in a way that hopefully does the journey justice. 

With each module, I have learnt more about myself as a person and as a writer. I have pushed myself to change my approach to work and developed new skills, which have altered my writing processes. I have picked apart my identity both as a self and as a writer and discovered that it is still developing. The year culminated in the most challenging module, two studied side by side, in fact. This seemed like a huge jump from the slower pace we had grown accustomed to, and the level of thinking and discussion seemed far more academic. Alongside the submission content of an academic essay, it really seemed as though we had entered new territory. University learning felt very much as though it were happening and I was twice as proud of myself when completing these far deeper and more critical modules. I suspect this way of thinking is a taste of things to come in the following two years. 

Whilst I have enjoyed my first year and the work and learning that has happened, it has not been smooth sailing throughout. There have been existential crises where I question if I have made a terrible mistake getting in so much debt to study something that doesn't really have a job, specifically at the end of it. This feeling of self-doubt is fuelled by well-meaning friends asking the ever-repeated question; What happens afterwards? What job can you do with this degree? It is hard to explain a creative subject to people who themselves have studied far more black and white subjects. However, I have somehow managed to maintain a sense of self belief in the decision I have made and continued to press on. Alongside the feelings of self-doubt have come challenges as a mother. I have felt immeasurable guilt at not being present so much more, the niggling feeling that I should have waited hits me at 3am like the Sunday scaries. They are small for so little time, and I have chosen to spend a large chunk of that time studying and thus ignoring him far more than I would like, and having to say I can't I need to do this work. The juggle continues and I don't expect that to get much easier as we move forward but I have to take comfort in the knowledge that whilst yes we should be cherishing this time, and believe me I do, if the past year is anything to go by then time is going to whizz by and in no time he will be doing his own thing anyway so why not begin focussing on my future alongside guiding him towards his? 

My highlights have been the post-digital module, where I thoroughly enjoyed producing Zines and podcasts and the knowledge I began to explore in the Society and Identity module has adjusted my approach to writing considerably. The biggest downside for me has been time. I would have liked to spend entire weeks working on nothing but my coursework and extra readings and learnings and having to force it all down into four days of inconsistent learning has been hard, especially when I really get stuck into a subject. I have also found that, between juggling everything else, I have had very little time to work on personal projects, which does sometimes fuel the self-doubt fire because I feel I am missing out on time I could be dedicating to trying to get somewhere with those. 

What I have learnt is that I need to be on the proactively seeking many pies to insert my finger into if I am to have a chance at making something of a career in my chosen area of study and also in order to develop my skills further. I have also learnt that I really like dressing up and that I should probably do something with that. 

So that's it,  a year of University, a year of my life. I have grown and I have learnt and I am ready for the next chapter. 

I will be posting some of the submission pieces and extra writing tasks on here to collate and document my progress over the past year.